Click on the link below to listen to this audio from NPR:
Overwhelmed Working Moms

Next:  Click the link below to find out if you have overwhelm:

Overwhelm CheckUp

Then check out the other posts on
overwhelm on this  http://CaroleBryant.com  website…
and while you’re there, sign up for
free Joy Notes emails and a free ebook: Joy Connection: What Makes Your Connectable!

I’m glad you’re here…look around…and come back soon!

Joy & Blessings,
Carole  xx

The emotions of anger, fear, or shame often create uncomfortable feelings, and build anxiety.  Sometimes these uncomfortable feelings can lead to a more uncomfortable mood.  We instinctively realize that if we can avoid the feelings coming from the emotions, we may avoid the mood.  Too often we look for an experience or a behavior to block our uncomfortable feelings.

Why do you crave a dessert just after discovering you’ve gained weight?  Why do you feel the desire to go shopping when your credit card is over the limit?  Though these behaviors are the last ones you should choose, your brain is simply trying to lessen the stress you feel when you discover that something is not the way you want it.

Humans, and some animals, use behaviors to block uncomfortable feelings.  You may recognize one or more of these blocking behaviors, and you may also have some of your very own:

• Eating
• Sleeping
• Drinking
• Shopping
• Computing
• Texting
• Working
• Drugging
• Exercising
• Giving
• Busyness
• Cleaning

Blocking behaviors don’t just block uncomfortable feelings, some bring you pleasure and satisfaction when your brain’s neurotransmitters release dopamine.  The problem with some of these behaviors is that they can also block your joy.  When you combine some of these behaviors, you create a state of overwhelm.  Check a dictionary for overwhelm, and you’ll often find the antonym, the opposite of overwhelm, is joy.

Overwhelm occurs when we become overcome in feeling or in mind, and it affects most of us at some time in our lives.  When we reach a state of overwhelm, our first reaction is to create rigid agendas.

An agenda is a plan or list to be acted on, something we think we want.  Most of our agendas include plans to simplify, organize, eliminate, dictate, or control.  We think our agendas can stop our overwhelm, but our agendas make it worse.  When we put our agendas into place, we begin operating in our heads, rather than in our hearts.

Now we’re in a vicious circle.  When we allow ourselves to stay in our heads, we are keeping ourselves overwhelmed to once again avoid our feelings.  Some of these feelings we are avoiding could be lack of worth, sadness, loneliness, fear, or anger.  We keep ourselves so unfeeling and busy that we lose our joy.

To escape overwhelm and get our joy back, we need an action plan to become aware of the effects and causes of our own agendas.  When we learn how to maintain loving attitudes of mind towards others, our source, and ourselves, we can reconnect with our heart, our feelings, and our joy.

Are your agendas taking over your life?  Are your friends and family feeling that you are more and more rigid and inflexible?  You may be blocking your joy with overwhelm.  Your choice is to come back to operating in heart, and to reconnect with your own deepest values.

http://Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose is a focused 12 session audio course for women who want to get the joy back in life.

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx

Most of the world’s women are overwhelmed.  Overwhelm can destroy your joy, and overwhelm can waste your life.  How does your overwhelm affect you and affect those you love?

If you’re like most women in the world:

• You can’t catch up with all you have to do
• You don’t get any real relaxation
• You seldom feel you are doing enough
• You feel powerless to stop the increasing demands on you
• You are frustrated, sad, and angry with your life’s direction

As a woman you are set up to be overwhelmed because of the unique factors you deal with: Your commitment to your family, your work inside and outside the home, your caring for others, the world’s message of what you should be, and your lack of time and energy.

Check the list below to see which factors describe you.  Many of your symptoms may be a result of overwhelm.  Some symptoms attributed to other factors may be increased by overwhelm.  If you experience 3 or more symptoms, you could greatly benefit from lowering your stress:

• EXHAUSTION
• ANGER
• LOSS OF HUMOR
• SLEEPING PROBLEMS
• FRUSTRATION
• CRANKINESS
• RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
• WEIGHT PROBLEMS
• RESENTMENTS
• LOSS OF SEXUAL INTEREST
• DISCOURAGEMENT
• LACK OF FOCUS
• HEALTH ISSUES
• SADNESS
• HOPELESSNESS

Overwhelm does not go away on its own, and it can get worse.  So how can you lose the overwhelm, and get your life back?  How can you control your stress and overwhelm and bring joy back into your life?  Any real change begins with an understanding of what is causing overwhelm and a course of action.

Overwhelm can occur in life when 3 feelings are present:

1. Not being able to feel a sense of accomplishment no matter how hard you work
2. Feeling helpless to stop the factors that are causing overwhelm
3. Feeling hopeless and feeling despair knowing that you do not see relief in your future

If you are overwhelmed now, you may react by creating more and more agendas and plans to control it.  You may be trying to organize, eliminate, communicate, and dictate to keep it away.  You may have become a person you don’t want to be.  You may have lost your ability to share and connect with your family and friends.  Your head is running your heart.  You may be filling yourself up with busyness to maintain a sense of worth.

What’s the cure for overwhelm and what heals a life which is overloaded, overtired, overstressed, and overcome?  A realization that your overwhelm is not in your career or home, but in your own spirit, that part of you which needs to feel purpose, fulfillment, and joy.  To do that you must connect to your deepest values and your true loving self.  You can move from overwhelm to joy when you surrender your agendas and let your heart rule.

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xx

Her elderly mom, who lives alone in another city, was having some challenges.  My friend had been planning to visit her in a few weeks, but was feeling that she should leave earlier than originally planned.  She had received a report from a brother who lived nearby her mom.  My friend needed to talk about the situation.  She was working through her options, and her deepest feelings about what she should do.  We spent several minutes going over the situation, and she became clearer.  Just talking about the situation to someone who cared helped her get clear on her real feelings.

We all have a lot to do, often causing us to multitask, and to give half attention and effort to many of the routine things we do everyday.  We move through things on our lists rapidly, often looking ahead to where we need to focus next.  We may not remember something significant at the end of a day, if we haven’t completely connected to it.  This is the very definition of overwhelm, the very absence of peace or understanding.

In Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose, a course I developed for stressed and overwhelmed women, one of the most important choices that I encourage all of us to make is that of being fully present wherever you are, and in whatever you are doing throughout the day.  When we are fully present we make a real connection to others and to ourselves.  Being fully present defeats much of the overwhelm and stress of our lives, because it allows us to let our minds rest from everything else while we are engaged in what we are doing.  Our attitude of mind actually changes when we focus in on what is important for us to prioritize in the moment.  When we are present with a situation, a task, or a person our perception is focused on our purpose right here, right now.

We all spend lots of time and energy on the gifts that we give to others during the holidays, or for birthdays, or other special occasions.  Becoming fully present with the living beings in your life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them.  Who in your life would receive great benefit from a deep and conscious connection to you?  Several people may come to mind immediately.  I would suggest to you that everyone in your life would receive benefits from your being fully present in your interaction with them, no matter how short that interaction may be.

We now know that multitasking is seldom effective.  The brain cannot truly focus on several tasks simultaneously, and resorts to focusing in sequentially short attentions to each task involved.   The greatest argument against multitasking though is that it keeps us from fully experiencing  the living beings who give meaning and purpose to our life.

Take the time to be connected to the living beings in your life.  Bring yourself back to the moment whenever you notice you are slipping into another time or place.  Give the gift of your presence to others.  Take the time to acknowledge the people who cross your path.  They are your teachers, as you are theirs.

One of the greatest joys in life is real connection to others.  It is a gift.  You can change your habit of multi-tasking by choosing to be fully present in each moment.  You change your habits by creating new intention and purpose.  Take the time today to express real feelings to someone, to understand someone, to be quiet with someone, to support someone, to hold a hand, to laugh together, to share the moment.  Live your life fully and consciously.  Give your gift of presence to others and to yourself.  Give yourself.

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xx

Our emotional brains react to anything quicker than our thinking brains. Daniel Goleman, one of my great mentors, says this jumping to conclusions is part of our most primitive survival response. It can sometimes go into overload and be involved in creating more  overwhelm and stress for us.

Jumping to conclusions is caused by more than a simple brain reaction. We take ourselves too seriously!  This is where anger and fear attitudes can generate.  I’m being polite.  We fall into the very human trap of believing our own thinking is the only reality, and are surprised when overwhelm and lack of connection to others results!

A great truth that someone shared with me, sometime, somewhere: “Two or more people have greater access to the truth.”We all need healthy feedback, and we need other loving people to give it to us. Loving feedback is one of the greatest gifts we humans give each other.  If we don’t get this exchange with others, we start to believe our own stuff!  Believing our own stuff is not pretty, and it’s not good for us or for others.

A close friend, who gives great feedback by the way, sent me a hilarious link to one of the funniest men of all time, Bob Newhart.  Take the time to watch this video, and be prepared to laugh out loud.  I’m giving you the link at the end of this post.

Laughing is so important for us.  It works magic on our mind, our body, and our spirit. It builds a stronger immune system, and exercises the heart.  It even changes the autonomic nervous system, alters stress hormones and neurotransmitter levels (the substances we need to transmit nerve impulses.) If we can laugh at ourselves and take ourselves less seriously, we will be a healthier person, in mind, body, and spirit.

Norman Cousins, in 1976, wrote a great book about the effects of laughter on the health of the body.  Check out, “Anatomy of an Illness,” especially if you have chronic pain.

Make a Joy Choice for yourself.  Start taking several breaks during the day to regenerate yourself.  Do what you have to do to remember….put up reminders, set an alarm…but do it! Overwhelm and stress relief is not just about being quiet, meditating, praying, but also about being a natural animal, laughing and having fun, and interacting with others, even getting some loving feedback.

• Put some laughter in a break…you know how
• Talk to a supportive friend or partner…share thoughts and feelings and listen to another’s view
• Be silly by yourself, with others, with your pet
• Get out of your head and into your heart in your own way

“Believe Your Own Stuff?” (video link for next time you’re being too serious with yourself!)

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx

A few years ago, it was estimated that world knowledge was doubling approximately every 6 months.  Now the rate at which knowledge increases in the world has sped up to warp speed.  We can’t even begin to estimate how much information exists today.  It’s no wonder that we’re all struggling with information overwhelm.

When you stop to consider the number of ways we receive information, it’s easy to become overwhelmed.  Computers, television, radio, newspapers, videos, movies, magazines are only a small portion of what we can expect to hear from every day.  We still toss tons of paper that comes to us from marketers and mailings.

What causes real information overwhelm?  It results from not having a goal to guard against the confusion of too much information.  When we are not sure if we actually need most of the info that comes our way, we become confused.  When we never have time to process the huge amounts of info we receive our minds refuse.  Confusion results in refusion.

When I was in high school, a slightly older girlfriend offered to take me shopping for school clothes.  She taught me something I never forgot.  I was a teenager who was naturally impulsive…that is, I didn’t have any goals in place to keep me focused on what I really needed or wanted.  She said, “Less is more…choose carefully, and pay real attention to what you select.  Make sure that everything you select is right for you, and you’ll enjoy them that much more.”  She was teaching me about conscious choice.  This was very different than my habit of letting things choose me.

Choose wisely from the information that comes your way every day.  Be selective.  Where are you allowing information to choose you and overwhelm you?  You know that your brain will refuse to assimilate too much.  Be selective in what you allow in.  Value this ability to make conscious choice.

The very best solution is to stop all imput of information for a short time each day.  Spend some quiet time without any sound, and without any information coming to you from the outside world.  Allow yourself this time to process your thoughts, your ideas, and your feelings.  Concentrate on your breathing.  Be centered in the information within your own beingness, within your own spirit.  Breathe, and enjoy the air, and the beauty of nature.  Share energy with your pet.  Give yourself space to know who you are.

Take time to be still, to be quiet, and to hear your own heart.

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx

“We teach what we need to learn,“ is an old adage, but it’s so true.  Will Rogers said something also about learning that really applies to me.  He said that there are “ones that learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.”  Guess where I am?  Standing in line to get to the fence!  The good part is…I remember what I learn, and it often shows up in my writing.

What does all this have to do with the subject, Purpose or Agenda?  Whether we’re actively looking for our purpose, our life purpose, that is, our reason for being here….or we simply believe that our experience is better, richer, and more fulfilling when we embrace our purpose…purpose is still important to us.  Why then, do we get so caught up in our agendas that we lose sight of purpose?

Purpose can be defined as:  intended or desired result; the aim or reason for which something is done or is used.  Purpose and agenda are sometimes used interchangeably, but they mean far different things.  Agenda is:  a list, or an idea, of what we want to accomplish.  Agendas tend to be personal, not always well formulated, often impulsive, and not based in wisdom, education, or experience.  It is our agendas which can lead us to the “electric fences” which Will Rogers spoke of.

I developed a course on overwhelm, for women, because so many people around me were stressed and overwhelmed, and were lacking joy in their lives.  It was while I was working on this course, and bringing joy back into my own life, that I learned the difference in having a purpose, and having an agenda.  You see, I couldn’t have my own agenda while I was writing the course.

The course had a plan of it’s own, and it named itself, Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose. The course taught me when I choose to surrender, to have a purpose, to be focused on a goal, a result, a reason…I am coming from my heart.  If instead, I have an agenda, that is…my idea of how, what, why, when, and where, it doesn’t work…that agenda is usually coming from my head.

Find some quiet time….give yourself permission to see clearly what you need to know.  Journal, because journaling will help you dig deeper into what you have hidden from yourself.  Quiet your mind, connect with your heart, and allow yourself to know who you want to be in the world.  Ask yourself:  “Where do I have an unconscious agenda that is not in alignment with my deepest purpose?”

When you check with your heart, and realize that you may surrender your agenda to serve your purpose, you will find that your heart has the perfect answers you’ve been looking for.

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx

Some agendas are necessary.  Those agendas which help us keep life organized and running smoothly are important to us.  The agendas which we need to uncover and surrender, are those that we adopt unconsciously…they’re the agendas which we may not even realize we have.  They are the ones which don’t help us, serve us, or complete us.  They’re the agendas which keep us feeling inadequate and ineffectual.  They overwhelm us, and they block our joy.

Hidden agendas show up in a multitude of disguises, and unless we have a goal to look for them, and weed them out, we may not even know they exist, or that they are contributing to overwhelm.  Sometimes they appear in self talk. Have you ever spoken these words to yourself?

• What’s wrong with me?
• I’ll never measure up
• I just can’t get it together
• Why can’t I do this?
• I’m a failure

If you feel frustrated by these feelings, you could have a popular hidden agenda…perfectionism, which is a personal standard which involves a high degree of proficiency, excellence, or skill.  The demands you make of yourself are higher than you would expect of others.

Your agenda of perfectionism may be full blown, or you could have just enough operating to keep you from the joy you deserve, and the joy you’ve earned!

I often volunteer with a personal development group which includes some teenagers and young adults.  I always come away marveling at how much I learn from them.  Personally, I think  many young people today have amazing depth.  What I’m most impressed with is their intention to be authentic.

The great poet, Kahlil Gibran, gave us instruction about younger people when he said, “You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”  Those authentic young people often remind me that they are more focused on being true to themselves, and living up to their own expectations, than many of my peers.

If we are caught up in perfectionism, that is a standard which we and others have set for ourselves, we can be our own worst enemy.  When we:

• Frequently compare ourselves to others
• Assume that people are judging us for not being enough
• Feel that others don’t know us as our true selves…

We’re not loving ourselves, and we’re not being authentic.  Self love and authenticity are synergistic.  The interaction of the combined elements produces a total effect that is greater than the individual elements.

We enter a state of overwhelm when we exceed the tipping point…that point when even a little more becomes too much.

I love coffee, chocolate, even an occasional soft drink….notice that everything on this list can contain caffeine.  I’ve tried decaf, but it doesn’t rock my boat…and….I’m not willing to completely give up something which gives me so much pleasure, and may actually be good? for me in some ways.  I want to believe what I’ve been hearing about the benefits of caffeine!

I did make some new caffeine choices though…I limited my intake to 2 cups of coffee a day…with a little chocolate sneaked in. 

I know, upfront and personally, why we associate too much caffeine with anxiety fits, bad temper, and meltdown.  Don’t write to me about this!  I love coffee…remember?   So I’m making new choices which don’t involve decaf, that version of a caffeinated product in which the caffeine is greatly reduced, or removed.  For one, I’m drinking more water at the times of day I would have had a cup of coffee or tea, and that’s working for me. 

All this emphasis on my caffeeine intake made me think about decaf again, because I always wish I liked decaf.  Life would be simpler if I did.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could decaf other things…what if we could remove the factor which causes us the problem in things other than coffee. Remember, overwhelm can result from good stuff, gone bad….the overwhelm we experience often results from a tipping point, just like caffeine, or too much of any good thing. 

What happens to most of us is we go merrily along, able to manage some stress, and keep our balance, but it’s easy to get overloaded.  Remember, a lot of stress sneaks in, because it’s brought on by good change in our lives.  We may think we’re managing the stress overload…..but then we have a little too much stress…a tipping point….and suddenly we’re overwhelmed.

What if we could backup, rewind, and delete, before we get to the tipping point?  What if, like my coffee habit, we could allow ourselves a certain amount of stress, and then switch to something better for us? Life would be simpler if we never let ourselves reach that tipping point into overwhelm.

—-Nip Tips—-

• Give yourself permission to see areas where you’re getting unbalanced….Use your meditation, your prayers, your journal, to start to notice your high risk areas
• Make a list of those areas which buzz and juice you….these are areas which you may love to overload, because they initially make you feel good
• Mark your personal calendar for times throughout the year to check yourself so you’re not overloading these areas 

 Here are some examples of buzz areas for me.  You’ll have your own list:

Caretaking:  Helping others while I’m neglecting my own needs

Time scheduling:  Loading a day, a week, or a month with must do’s that don’t allow any time or space for relaxation

Stockpiling:  Adding more stuff, more supplies, more research, without using up what I have

One of the things we learn in childhood, but sometimes forget, is it’s a lot easier to maintain our balance, than to restore balance when it’s lost. 

Make time and make effort to make choices to keep life balanced….As my mother used to say, “There can always be too much of a good thing!”

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xxx