The emotions of anger, fear, or shame often create uncomfortable feelings, and build anxiety.  Sometimes these uncomfortable feelings can lead to a more uncomfortable mood.  We instinctively realize that if we can avoid the feelings coming from the emotions, we may avoid the mood.  Too often we look for an experience or a behavior to block our uncomfortable feelings.

Why do you crave a dessert just after discovering you’ve gained weight?  Why do you feel the desire to go shopping when your credit card is over the limit?  Though these behaviors are the last ones you should choose, your brain is simply trying to lessen the stress you feel when you discover that something is not the way you want it.

Humans, and some animals, use behaviors to block uncomfortable feelings.  You may recognize one or more of these blocking behaviors, and you may also have some of your very own:

• Eating
• Sleeping
• Drinking
• Shopping
• Computing
• Texting
• Working
• Drugging
• Exercising
• Giving
• Busyness
• Cleaning

Blocking behaviors don’t just block uncomfortable feelings, some bring you pleasure and satisfaction when your brain’s neurotransmitters release dopamine.  The problem with some of these behaviors is that they can also block your joy.  When you combine some of these behaviors, you create a state of overwhelm.  Check a dictionary for overwhelm, and you’ll often find the antonym, the opposite of overwhelm, is joy.

Overwhelm occurs when we become overcome in feeling or in mind, and it affects most of us at some time in our lives.  When we reach a state of overwhelm, our first reaction is to create rigid agendas.

An agenda is a plan or list to be acted on, something we think we want.  Most of our agendas include plans to simplify, organize, eliminate, dictate, or control.  We think our agendas can stop our overwhelm, but our agendas make it worse.  When we put our agendas into place, we begin operating in our heads, rather than in our hearts.

Now we’re in a vicious circle.  When we allow ourselves to stay in our heads, we are keeping ourselves overwhelmed to once again avoid our feelings.  Some of these feelings we are avoiding could be lack of worth, sadness, loneliness, fear, or anger.  We keep ourselves so unfeeling and busy that we lose our joy.

To escape overwhelm and get our joy back, we need an action plan to become aware of the effects and causes of our own agendas.  When we learn how to maintain loving attitudes of mind towards others, our source, and ourselves, we can reconnect with our heart, our feelings, and our joy.

Are your agendas taking over your life?  Are your friends and family feeling that you are more and more rigid and inflexible?  You may be blocking your joy with overwhelm.  Your choice is to come back to operating in heart, and to reconnect with your own deepest values.

http://Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose is a focused 12 session audio course for women who want to get the joy back in life.

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx

Most of the world’s women are overwhelmed.  Overwhelm can destroy your joy, and overwhelm can waste your life.  How does your overwhelm affect you and affect those you love?

If you’re like most women in the world:

• You can’t catch up with all you have to do
• You don’t get any real relaxation
• You seldom feel you are doing enough
• You feel powerless to stop the increasing demands on you
• You are frustrated, sad, and angry with your life’s direction

As a woman you are set up to be overwhelmed because of the unique factors you deal with: Your commitment to your family, your work inside and outside the home, your caring for others, the world’s message of what you should be, and your lack of time and energy.

Check the list below to see which factors describe you.  Many of your symptoms may be a result of overwhelm.  Some symptoms attributed to other factors may be increased by overwhelm.  If you experience 3 or more symptoms, you could greatly benefit from lowering your stress:

• EXHAUSTION
• ANGER
• LOSS OF HUMOR
• SLEEPING PROBLEMS
• FRUSTRATION
• CRANKINESS
• RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
• WEIGHT PROBLEMS
• RESENTMENTS
• LOSS OF SEXUAL INTEREST
• DISCOURAGEMENT
• LACK OF FOCUS
• HEALTH ISSUES
• SADNESS
• HOPELESSNESS

Overwhelm does not go away on its own, and it can get worse.  So how can you lose the overwhelm, and get your life back?  How can you control your stress and overwhelm and bring joy back into your life?  Any real change begins with an understanding of what is causing overwhelm and a course of action.

Overwhelm can occur in life when 3 feelings are present:

1. Not being able to feel a sense of accomplishment no matter how hard you work
2. Feeling helpless to stop the factors that are causing overwhelm
3. Feeling hopeless and feeling despair knowing that you do not see relief in your future

If you are overwhelmed now, you may react by creating more and more agendas and plans to control it.  You may be trying to organize, eliminate, communicate, and dictate to keep it away.  You may have become a person you don’t want to be.  You may have lost your ability to share and connect with your family and friends.  Your head is running your heart.  You may be filling yourself up with busyness to maintain a sense of worth.

What’s the cure for overwhelm and what heals a life which is overloaded, overtired, overstressed, and overcome?  A realization that your overwhelm is not in your career or home, but in your own spirit, that part of you which needs to feel purpose, fulfillment, and joy.  To do that you must connect to your deepest values and your true loving self.  You can move from overwhelm to joy when you surrender your agendas and let your heart rule.

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xx

Her elderly mom, who lives alone in another city, was having some challenges.  My friend had been planning to visit her in a few weeks, but was feeling that she should leave earlier than originally planned.  She had received a report from a brother who lived nearby her mom.  My friend needed to talk about the situation.  She was working through her options, and her deepest feelings about what she should do.  We spent several minutes going over the situation, and she became clearer.  Just talking about the situation to someone who cared helped her get clear on her real feelings.

We all have a lot to do, often causing us to multitask, and to give half attention and effort to many of the routine things we do everyday.  We move through things on our lists rapidly, often looking ahead to where we need to focus next.  We may not remember something significant at the end of a day, if we haven’t completely connected to it.  This is the very definition of overwhelm, the very absence of peace or understanding.

In Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose, a course I developed for stressed and overwhelmed women, one of the most important choices that I encourage all of us to make is that of being fully present wherever you are, and in whatever you are doing throughout the day.  When we are fully present we make a real connection to others and to ourselves.  Being fully present defeats much of the overwhelm and stress of our lives, because it allows us to let our minds rest from everything else while we are engaged in what we are doing.  Our attitude of mind actually changes when we focus in on what is important for us to prioritize in the moment.  When we are present with a situation, a task, or a person our perception is focused on our purpose right here, right now.

We all spend lots of time and energy on the gifts that we give to others during the holidays, or for birthdays, or other special occasions.  Becoming fully present with the living beings in your life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them.  Who in your life would receive great benefit from a deep and conscious connection to you?  Several people may come to mind immediately.  I would suggest to you that everyone in your life would receive benefits from your being fully present in your interaction with them, no matter how short that interaction may be.

We now know that multitasking is seldom effective.  The brain cannot truly focus on several tasks simultaneously, and resorts to focusing in sequentially short attentions to each task involved.   The greatest argument against multitasking though is that it keeps us from fully experiencing  the living beings who give meaning and purpose to our life.

Take the time to be connected to the living beings in your life.  Bring yourself back to the moment whenever you notice you are slipping into another time or place.  Give the gift of your presence to others.  Take the time to acknowledge the people who cross your path.  They are your teachers, as you are theirs.

One of the greatest joys in life is real connection to others.  It is a gift.  You can change your habit of multi-tasking by choosing to be fully present in each moment.  You change your habits by creating new intention and purpose.  Take the time today to express real feelings to someone, to understand someone, to be quiet with someone, to support someone, to hold a hand, to laugh together, to share the moment.  Live your life fully and consciously.  Give your gift of presence to others and to yourself.  Give yourself.

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xx

Our emotional brains react to anything quicker than our thinking brains. Daniel Goleman, one of my great mentors, says this jumping to conclusions is part of our most primitive survival response. It can sometimes go into overload and be involved in creating more  overwhelm and stress for us.

Jumping to conclusions is caused by more than a simple brain reaction. We take ourselves too seriously!  This is where anger and fear attitudes can generate.  I’m being polite.  We fall into the very human trap of believing our own thinking is the only reality, and are surprised when overwhelm and lack of connection to others results!

A great truth that someone shared with me, sometime, somewhere: “Two or more people have greater access to the truth.”We all need healthy feedback, and we need other loving people to give it to us. Loving feedback is one of the greatest gifts we humans give each other.  If we don’t get this exchange with others, we start to believe our own stuff!  Believing our own stuff is not pretty, and it’s not good for us or for others.

A close friend, who gives great feedback by the way, sent me a hilarious link to one of the funniest men of all time, Bob Newhart.  Take the time to watch this video, and be prepared to laugh out loud.  I’m giving you the link at the end of this post.

Laughing is so important for us.  It works magic on our mind, our body, and our spirit. It builds a stronger immune system, and exercises the heart.  It even changes the autonomic nervous system, alters stress hormones and neurotransmitter levels (the substances we need to transmit nerve impulses.) If we can laugh at ourselves and take ourselves less seriously, we will be a healthier person, in mind, body, and spirit.

Norman Cousins, in 1976, wrote a great book about the effects of laughter on the health of the body.  Check out, “Anatomy of an Illness,” especially if you have chronic pain.

Make a Joy Choice for yourself.  Start taking several breaks during the day to regenerate yourself.  Do what you have to do to remember….put up reminders, set an alarm…but do it! Overwhelm and stress relief is not just about being quiet, meditating, praying, but also about being a natural animal, laughing and having fun, and interacting with others, even getting some loving feedback.

• Put some laughter in a break…you know how
• Talk to a supportive friend or partner…share thoughts and feelings and listen to another’s view
• Be silly by yourself, with others, with your pet
• Get out of your head and into your heart in your own way

“Believe Your Own Stuff?” (video link for next time you’re being too serious with yourself!)

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx

I heard a faint meow coming from the yard across the street.  A big brown tabby came running as if I was his long lost friend.  He greeted me with enthusiasm, and enthused himself right into the house, before I could stop him.  I put him outside, but he patiently showed us that he knew how to use a cat door, 3 times, with what I think was a smile on his face.

We placed Found signs in the neighborhood, ads in two newspapers, and asked everyone we met.  No answers.  After a week went by, we began to ask our friends if they’d like a new cat.  He was everything we described…peaceful, loving, adaptable, friendly, and easy to have around.  No takers.  Then someone said they’d like to come by and meet him…a potential new owner. They wanted a different type of cat.

Day 8:  I woke up in a very funky mood…not sure why.  I couldn’t pinpoint what I was feeling…out of sorts?  I write and teach joy.  I wasn’t feeling much of it, and couldn’t shake my strange mood.  I was working on my book, The Joy Choice, in which I share how to restore a loving attitude when fear or anger is active in our mind.  I took the steps to discover what my present attitude was.  It wasn’t fear or anger, but it didn’t feel like love.  I was grumpy, weepy, and absolutely down-n-n-n…what was it?

I busied myself, tried to concentrate on writing, tried to prepare for a trip coming up.  There was something I hadn’t remembered to do.  I got quiet and still and asked Spirit for help.  I asked:

• When have I felt these feelings before?
• If I did know what I was feeling, what would it be?
  

Thoughts popped into my mind of when my dad was dying from cancer.  What did this have to do with what I was feeling?  I let myself really feel the feelings.  Sadness welled up in me, and I cried.  The feeling was sadness, but there was more. I was feeling love, attachment, and not wanting to give him up. I was feeling that I had to accept my loss and be mature…it was simply what I must do.  What did this have to do with a stray cat?

That’s when I got it. I didn’t want to make this decision with my intellect.  I needed to get out of my head.  I knew we weren’t looking for another cat, it wasn’t practical, or mature to even consider another.  My heart said something else. I decided to share my feelings with my husband, and he surprised me with his answer.

How often do you give yourself time and space to really know what you feel? How often do you check with your heart?  Your heart does not always appear to be practical, but it understands more than your intellect can consciously know.  When you check with your heart, you get the answers which don’t always make sense at first, but they always bring love and peace.

Too many cats?  We wouldn’t have made a conscious choice to seek out another one.  Our pets have mostly found us..they’ve chosen us.  We believe in adopting strays, especially when they are placed squarely in our paths.  Many of the best things in life arrive when we’re not looking for them. Let me introduce a new member of the family….We named him…what else? Joy!

Joy & Blessings,
Carole  xx

A few years ago, it was estimated that world knowledge was doubling approximately every 6 months.  Now the rate at which knowledge increases in the world has sped up to warp speed.  We can’t even begin to estimate how much information exists today.  It’s no wonder that we’re all struggling with information overwhelm.

When you stop to consider the number of ways we receive information, it’s easy to become overwhelmed.  Computers, television, radio, newspapers, videos, movies, magazines are only a small portion of what we can expect to hear from every day.  We still toss tons of paper that comes to us from marketers and mailings.

What causes real information overwhelm?  It results from not having a goal to guard against the confusion of too much information.  When we are not sure if we actually need most of the info that comes our way, we become confused.  When we never have time to process the huge amounts of info we receive our minds refuse.  Confusion results in refusion.

When I was in high school, a slightly older girlfriend offered to take me shopping for school clothes.  She taught me something I never forgot.  I was a teenager who was naturally impulsive…that is, I didn’t have any goals in place to keep me focused on what I really needed or wanted.  She said, “Less is more…choose carefully, and pay real attention to what you select.  Make sure that everything you select is right for you, and you’ll enjoy them that much more.”  She was teaching me about conscious choice.  This was very different than my habit of letting things choose me.

Choose wisely from the information that comes your way every day.  Be selective.  Where are you allowing information to choose you and overwhelm you?  You know that your brain will refuse to assimilate too much.  Be selective in what you allow in.  Value this ability to make conscious choice.

The very best solution is to stop all imput of information for a short time each day.  Spend some quiet time without any sound, and without any information coming to you from the outside world.  Allow yourself this time to process your thoughts, your ideas, and your feelings.  Concentrate on your breathing.  Be centered in the information within your own beingness, within your own spirit.  Breathe, and enjoy the air, and the beauty of nature.  Share energy with your pet.  Give yourself space to know who you are.

Take time to be still, to be quiet, and to hear your own heart.

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx

As I write this, we’re winding up a Caribbean cruise.  It was a great getaway, even though cellphones and computers now operate on most ships.  There was a time, not so long ago, when we could cruise away from it all, without a virtual connection back to the real world of home and business.  Not so anymore!

These days, cruises are great for all types of people…from the elderly, to kids, to special needs.  I love cruises, because I really love the ocean …but the secret reason I love cruises is because I love the lull period, which happens sometime in the middle of the voyage.  This mindless time happens when I’m lulled into the peaceful place of not having to think, or steer, or even plan dinner….For a couple of days, I’m just on cruise control.

This glorious time of blissful relaxation only lasts for a brief moment in time, to be replaced by something very different in the last few days we are at sea.  Always, predictably, in the last few days of any cruise, my mind begins the gradual shift back to reality and responsibility.  Even when I try to stay on cruise control, reminders of work, and of home, start to creep in, and I begin returning to making conscious choices.

I write for people who are developing, and growing, and nurturing their potential and purpose in life.  Conscious choice is something I write and speak about, because conscious choice is the glue and foundation of our potential and purpose. Conscious choice keeps us on track, and on course, for creating who we want to be in our lives.  Each choice that we make now, appears as our future potential…choices we make now limit, and determine, what choices will be available to us in our future.  What we are currently receiving in our present life, we have most likely chosen, and given, in the past.

Because we need to be aware and focused on conscious choice so much of the time, we all need cruise time..a time when we can relax not just our bodies, but also relax our minds and our spirits…times when we can be carefree.  The truth is…a cruise doesn’t always have to take place on a ship. We can experience cruise control anytime that we create a space to still the day to day world…we can do that in any way that works for us….any way from gardening, to walking, to bathing, to playing, to sitting.  The key to turning an ordinary time into cruise time, is the intention we bring to the space.  Cruise time must be chosen…it will not appear unless you consciously choose it.  The secret to experiencing real relaxation in mind, body, and spirit, is that we must give our full attention, and focus, to what we are doing….we must be totally present….No multitasking, or turning our mind to choices is allowed.

An old friend once said that she liked regular days more than holidays…I never forgot what she said, and I realize that now I find myself feeling that same way.  She was a joyful and creative person.  She was content in her life.  Special days weren’t so outstanding to her, because she loved the reality she had created for herself.…She was a woman fulfilling her potential.  When we make choices that bring us closer to who we are in our purpose, we too, will love each day, and be focused in the present.

Could you take some cruise time today?  Could you choose a time, and an activity, or a relaxation, which would quiet your mind, relax your body, and refresh your spirit?  Could you plan that time into your day?  Could it be a gift you give yourself?  Could you consciously choose to take cruise time?  Go ahead…turn off the world, and sail away!  And wherever you are, be there!

When you return from your cruise, notice the souvenirs you bring back with you….I know you brought back some gifts for yourself, too….a few little things like:

Renewed energy

More patience

Sharper focus

New perspective

Fresh creativity

Your presence is important to everything you do.  Be present in all your life…and you will enjoy it!  Consciously choose some cruise time, and remember your sunscreen!  Shine on!

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xxx

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… Rank: wait… Traffic: wait… Price: wait… C: wait…

I often do volunteer work.  You do, too!  We all do volunteer work, even if we don’t recognize it while we’re doing it! I decided to help someone I met through amazing synchronicity by supporting her on a trip to China, for medical treatment of her special needs child.  I knew all along that I volunteered for a number of reasons…not just to help someone who needed help, but to see and experience the country and it’s people, and because I’m interested in the health treatments there.

I looked at the trip as a positive adventure.  The trip was an adventure, but the adventure was in my personal growth, not in the intended experience.  We don’t always get what we came for…sometimes we get more.

I set out for my adventure feeling that I was doing a good deed, and that I would enjoy my journey on many levels.  I had no idea then, that there were expectations for my support, that I hadn’t volunteered for.  I also discovered, to my great surprise, that I had an agenda of my own operating.

I often write and speak about agendas.  I even developed a course called Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose, and yet agendas sneak up on me all the time.  An agenda, you know, is born in our minds, and often consists of something we think we want to accomplish.  That’s why we often call them personal agendas.  While I was in China, my personal agenda, ran head on into someone else’s personal agenda. I’ve learned to realize when I think I know the only way something should be, I need to give my agenda up to a higher purpose…I need to make a joy choice…I need to surrender.

There are many times in life when things just don’t work out the way we imagined (in our wildest dreams sometimes!), times when we have walked  head on into a situation which is very negative, even though we know we had good intentions!  Are you feeling this?  In these situations, we can fight, run, or surrender…..Let me tell you why surrender is the winning move.

Surrender often gets a bad rap.  Surrender doesn’t mean lose, in fact, in it’s purest sense it simply means “to give up to.”  Surrender was the answer in China, because my agenda was fogging up my purpose for being there.  My purpose involved being loving to others, and myself.  The agenda that existed in my mind, however, consisted of having this be a win/win experience for everyone involved.  The dynamics of two opposing agendas was causing friction.  I had a choice…to stick to the agenda in my head, or to check with my heart, for an answer.  I chose to surrender the agenda, cancel, and give up what I wanted, so that I could remain loving to myself and to the others involved.  It was a simple choice.

I came home with some incredible benefits.  I have no negative feelings about the trip, even though it was far removed from the joy it could have been.  I have happy memories, and any angst disappeared when I looked for the good in the situation.  I now see the connections that were made…the beautiful people I met there, who will be friends for life, and the amazing growth and understanding that I gained.  The expression, “Go in peace,” has a new meaning for me.

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xx

“We teach what we need to learn,“ is an old adage, but it’s so true.  Will Rogers said something also about learning that really applies to me.  He said that there are “ones that learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.”  Guess where I am?  Standing in line to get to the fence!  The good part is…I remember what I learn, and it often shows up in my writing.

What does all this have to do with the subject, Purpose or Agenda?  Whether we’re actively looking for our purpose, our life purpose, that is, our reason for being here….or we simply believe that our experience is better, richer, and more fulfilling when we embrace our purpose…purpose is still important to us.  Why then, do we get so caught up in our agendas that we lose sight of purpose?

Purpose can be defined as:  intended or desired result; the aim or reason for which something is done or is used.  Purpose and agenda are sometimes used interchangeably, but they mean far different things.  Agenda is:  a list, or an idea, of what we want to accomplish.  Agendas tend to be personal, not always well formulated, often impulsive, and not based in wisdom, education, or experience.  It is our agendas which can lead us to the “electric fences” which Will Rogers spoke of.

I developed a course on overwhelm, for women, because so many people around me were stressed and overwhelmed, and were lacking joy in their lives.  It was while I was working on this course, and bringing joy back into my own life, that I learned the difference in having a purpose, and having an agenda.  You see, I couldn’t have my own agenda while I was writing the course.

The course had a plan of it’s own, and it named itself, Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose. The course taught me when I choose to surrender, to have a purpose, to be focused on a goal, a result, a reason…I am coming from my heart.  If instead, I have an agenda, that is…my idea of how, what, why, when, and where, it doesn’t work…that agenda is usually coming from my head.

Find some quiet time….give yourself permission to see clearly what you need to know.  Journal, because journaling will help you dig deeper into what you have hidden from yourself.  Quiet your mind, connect with your heart, and allow yourself to know who you want to be in the world.  Ask yourself:  “Where do I have an unconscious agenda that is not in alignment with my deepest purpose?”

When you check with your heart, and realize that you may surrender your agenda to serve your purpose, you will find that your heart has the perfect answers you’ve been looking for.

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx