The night I sat in a classroom listening to someone explain a type of forgiveness based in an ancient language, I remember feeling a strange relaxation, a sort of letting down, an inward sigh of knowingness.  I remember whispering to my husband, “We’re really onto something.”  It was a totally inadequate comment about the impact of the moment.

That night, I knew, I just knew, we had received a huge gift.  I had no idea then how great the gift was.

I listened to the history of a type of forgiveness being taught in a classroom in a federal prison, a classroom I would later visit with a man who helped create a course for hardened felons.  It was a course based on love…loving God, loving self, and loving neighbors.  It was a course on loving attitudes and forgiveness.  The man’s name was Dan MacDougald Jr, and his instruction changed the recidivism rate in the men who learned his methods.

Forgiveness is the greatest cornerstone of my life.  Every experience I have must pass the forgiveness test, because forgiveness has become such a habit of mind for me.   I explain, to the best of my ability, the concept of what was taught to me, based in the Aramaic language, full of psychological and spiritual implications, on this website.  Look for it on the page titled, Why Forgive.  This Aramaic based form of forgiveness can help anyone learn how to change a mindset and change perception.

When I originally began to study and use this forgiveness formula, we didn’t know what we now know about the brain.  Now we understand how changing a mindset, and ultimately changing an attitude, affects the brain.

A new study, being published in an issue of Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, finds that “people who think that people can learn from their mistakes have a different brain reaction to mistakes (errors, problems) than people who think intelligence is fixed.    People who think they can learn from their mistakes have brains which are tuned to pay more attention to mistakes.”

Here’s the takeaway.  When we choose forgiveness, a total change of perception is created in the brain by shifting your mindset from an angry or fearful thought such as:  I am angry at this person, I am sad that this happened and then progressing through the steps of forgiveness.  The last step is to find the good in the person or situation.

You may end up looking for the good in the situation, in someone else, or in yourself.  So often a large part of that good we look for will turn out to be: “What can I learn from this?”

I trusted a respected business person, with an excellent reputation, to deliver a service without receiving a valid contract.  When I contacted him within the time frame we had set for the delivery, he said our agreement had expired, and refused to deliver what I had paid for.  He denied responsibility.  I was shocked and saddened.  It took me several days to find peace, and I sometimes still return to the sadness I feel about his response.  Each time I return to the sadness or the anger, I return to my steps of forgiveness.

Here’s where it gets interesting.  I had a method for changing my mindset about this situation.  I could not change what he had done, but I could change what I had wanted.  Part of what I had wanted was to work with someone I could trust.

And so, I went through the steps of forgiveness, and finally took the step to look for the good. The answer showed up as what I most needed to learn from the situation.  The biggest lesson was not to be a cynic, not to distrust others or myself,  but to be a good business person.  I continue to go back to the process of forgiving every time the sadness or anger towards this person or myself revisits me.

Here’s a wonderful part of this process that helps me to understand how much it contributes to my learning.  Each time I must take the steps of forgiveness around this same situation, I get more information.  For example, I am having a growing awareness that this person, this service, would not be the best for me and my business; that without this person, this service being removed from the picture,  I would not have had the choice to connect to someone who is helping me incredibly.  I would have been spinning my wheels with the first person,  he wouldn’t have provided what I really needed.  As so often happens when I ask for “this or something better,” I receive the “better.”  Now I’m receiving a gift which feels divinely ordered.

The good which has come out of it just keeps coming!  Forgiveness works in so many ways.

Who am I, even if I fancy myself a lifetime learner, to doubt divine order?

Joy & Blessings,
Carole  xx

PS:  One more tidbit…when you continue to make a conscious choice to forgive, you feel deserving of every bit of good which comes to you.

Read the whole article about the brain’s reaction:
http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/how-the-brain-reacts-to-mistakes

NoKidHungry.org

What are you planning for the family this summer?  A vacation?  A trip to see relatives?  A camp?  Sports practice?  A birthday party?

Whatever you’re planning, you’ll make sure your loved ones are cared for and well fed.  They’re so lucky!

The truth is there are so many kids in the USA who are hungry, especially hungry in the summer, because there’s no school lunch, and no place for them to go get a meal.

You can make a difference has become a cliché, overused, and somewhat meaningless.

Let me bring this home to you.

Kids are not out asking for donations on the street…think about it…they’re not visible.  They’re in a home, or on the street without enough food to make them feel comfortable or help them grow.

I heard about an organization trying to solve this invisible hungry child problem in America, and our family made the conscious choice to get involved.

~The Share Our Strength Mission Statement~

The Share Our Strength goal is to end childhood hunger in America. Working with others, we believe we can do this by 2015. Share Our Strength’s highest priority is to make sure that every child in America gets the nutritious food he or she needs to learn, grow and thrive.

All donations help end child hunger in the United States and are tax-deductible. Share Our Strength is a non-profit and uses donations to help provide nutritious meals to children. Donate today and provide a hungry child his next meal. Your charitable donation will help end childhood hunger by 2015.”

Whatever you do with and for your family this summer, remember to feel joyous and grateful that it’s not your family who is hungry, and give something to those who are.

Anything you can give to Share Our Strength will help.

Every single dollar you donate will provide a kid with 10 meals.  That’s how far the money goes.

Really make a difference for your family.  Get your kids involved.  Help them connect to others.  Show them how they can help feed hungry kids, too.

Pass this along to your friends and other family members.

We can all help.  Make any donation you can.

Go to:   http://nokidhungry.org/ to find out just how little it takes to make a difference, and help a child.

I still associated that saccharin laced word with high school yearbook descriptions: “Stay as cute and sweet as you are!”  Ick!  Hadn’t I outgrown that characterization and turned into an interesting and complex woman?  Sweet, really?

I had an urge to show them I could be a mean girl when I wanted to.  This sprung from the young adult who uncovered the nickname her family had given her as a child.  I never knew what they called me until my Aunt Ree said after meeting my husband, “We always wondered what kind of man would marry Fireball!”

Dr Brian Meier, one of the authors of studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, promoting scientific research exploring how people think, behave, feel, and interact, says, “Taste is something we experience every day. Our research examined whether metaphors (e.g. saying a person is ‘sweet’) which link taste preferences with pro-social experiences may be used to shed light on actual personality traits and behavior.”

We wouldn’t naturally make a connection between our sense of taste and our personality or behavior, would we?  Dr Meier says, “Our results suggest there is a real link between sweet tastes and pro-social behavior.”

Authors of the psychological studies believe sweet tastes and positive social behavior could activate the same regions of the brain.

The authors actually found participants who ate a sweet food (a specific brand of chocolate), versus a non-sweet food (a cracker), or no food, were more likely to volunteer to help another person in need.  The authors demonstrated people can predict how helpful or nice someone is, based on the extent to which he or she prefers eating sweet foods.

Are you loving this?

If you find this interesting, sign up for the free eBook on this website about how much our senses affect our connection with others:
Joy Connection: What Makes You Connectable.

If you’d like to read the extended article scientific studies by scientists on taste and behavior, find it at: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/10/111018212346.htm

Who am I to doubt scientific studies?  I once had a friend with a much nicer nickname than Fireball.  People called her Coco, because she loved chocolate, and she happened to be an incredibly kind and sweet person.

The truth is: I want to believe these studies.  I always have an intention of cooking mostly healthy foods, making sure we get our vitamins, and reading the food labels in our grocery cart, but I’m definitely making a conscious choice of adding more desserts to my husband’s diet!

We’re big Dr Oz fans in our house.  I record every episode so my husband and I can watch it together.

Why?  We are 2 information junkies who just can’t get enough of the good stuff he shares on his show!  The Dr Oz Show has the latest and best information on living a healthy, balanced, and productive life in a fun and joy filled format.

This week I caught a great episode when Dr Oz discussed ways to bust your bad mood.  He talked about the aging body bouncing back less quickly from stress and overwhelm as decades roll by.  He said the limbic system of the brain (which always gets my attention) reacts to stress by secreting chemicals which cause the adrenal glands to create stress hormones.  These stress hormones cause huge changes in the body, and they can affect everything from high blood pressure to weight gain.  He went on to say one of the things we can do to counteract stress is we should all vent a little!  He recommended swearing to keep from stuffing the stress…no kidding!

There are several great reasons I refer to my CaroleBryant.com site as Conscious Choice & Connection.   One  reason is my mind has a tendency to see the connection in many things.  I’ve come to peace with my connections and synchronicities, because they are a great help in my writing and my self expression.

So when Dr Oz was talking about swearing, my mind immediately connected to my dear friend, Georgi, who is a flight attendant for a major airline.  Georgi is one of the most lovable people I know, and she is also known for saying what she thinks…which I won’t go into here because of spam restraints.  She happens to manage stress and overwhelm as well as anyone I know, so I know Dr Oz is onto something!

The next connection my brain made was my career as a flight attendant.  My first thought about that time of my life was how many times I saw flight attendants be unable to talk back to passengers.  As a result, I believe their stuffing their own feelings, contributed to the anxiety, the stress, and even the weight gain which crept in through many years of flying.

I had been a flight attendant and also an in-flight coordinator, supervising, coordinating,  and dealing with the logistics, variables, and occasional emergencies of crew, passengers, and agents.  (I talk about this experience in “Meet Carole” on http://www.CaroleBryant.com )

I certainly stuffed my share of stress and overwhelm.  My saving grace was not so much swearing, as I did do privately when the need arose, but in learning to incorporate stress busters into my life.  During the years I was flying, I was also making a conscious choice to learn methods to reduce anxiety;  the attitudinal training, the personal development, the pastoral counseling, and life coaching trainings which were creating methods to help me become a calmer and more peaceful me.

When I retired from flying, I continued what I call my lifetime learning, and soon began writing.  My life was less stressful, and I was very happy…until I suddenly hit bottom.  As I describe in “Meet Carole,” I had unknowingly reached a tipping point which resulted in huge anxiety and depression.  I was dealing with elements I couldn’t control or even influence.  I stopped sleeping, connecting with others, and my whole world as I had known it ended.

Later, through doctors and therapists, I was told I had childhood post traumatic stress disorder which had been triggered.  It appeared that it was finally safe for me to face it, and so, I methodically set out to try to fix it.  That journey was a roller coaster of emotions for me and my loved ones.

One day, through amazing synchronicity, I read some old notes on a method of forgiveness which I had been taught and had used for many years.  This method of forgiveness, which is compatible with neuroscience of today, is based in the ancient language of Aramaic.  It is a practical and psychological way to create healthy attitudes and relieve stress.  I had used it to manage my stress on every flight I took.  In fact, I feel I had packed this life changing method of forgiveness in the roller board suitcase I pulled along behind me on every trip.

For so many years, I had employed this method of forgiveness to help me cancel so much stress and overwhelm related to anger, related to actions of others which I had no control over, to keep my loving attitudes while others around me acted out.  On this day of synchronicity, words on an old copy of my forgiveness steps jumped out at me.  I suddenly saw what I had never been able to see before.  I saw the words: “Forgiveness for anger and fear.”

That day, I began using the steps of forgiveness to cancel what was causing my fear and resulting in the manifestation of PTSD symptoms.  Overnight I made progress.  Within a few days, I was more like my old confident self.  Within weeks, I was a new person…better than before, having learned a lot, and as we say in this formula for forgiveness, “able to see the good in the person or the situation.”

I share this formula for forgiveness on my website at why-forgive.html, because I want everyone to have it.

Thanks, Dr Oz.  I appreciate you and all you do.  I appreciate your intentions in the world.  Keep shining on us!

Read the whole article about busting bad moods on The Dr Oz show website which inspired this article:

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/dr-ozs-foolproof-fixes-bust-your-bad-mood?page=2#copy

Stay connected!

Joy & Blessings,

Carole  xx

If you’re like millions of other stressed and overwhelmed women, you’re feeling this almost every morning of your life.

Everything speaks to us.

The condition called overwhelm is here to show you something…something you need to hear.

What contributes to your overwhelm?  What makes you feel overcome in mind or feeling, a sense of helplessness, a feeling of being overloaded?

Overwhelm is epidemic.  It seems to be unavoidable, and it has a distinctive feel. Overwhelm feels like you can’t catch up or relax, that you don’t get enough done, and you don’t feel satisfied.

So why do you have it?  You’re a person who works hard to do all you can for others, to do your best in life, to be loving and caring to those around you.  You’re a giver, but sometimes you beat yourself up, because you can’t give enough.

There’s always  a little fear tickling your brain that you’re forgetting or neglecting something.

You try to cope by creating more schedules, making more lists, organizing, eliminating , or controlling what you can.

You create more rigid agendas for yourself and others.

You don’t like most of the agendas you create, and neither does anybody else.

What choices does your overwhelm offer you?  You don’t think you can change it.  After all, it’s a combination of so many things you don’t have any control over.  You can decide to just live with it. 

You can accept overwhelm as a way of life in our warp speed world.

You can keep doing what you’re doing.  But wait a minute!  Isn’t that what Einstein may be most famous for in our culture today, his definition of insanity? Continuing to do what you’re doing and expecting change?

Overwhelm shows up to say you can’t take any time off, and you can’t ever follow your own dreams.  And yes, overwhelm shows up in those rigid agendas that nobody can live with.  You’re making everyone around you insane, too!

This is your wake up call!  The overwhelm call you’re getting is saying, “You’re worth it, you deserve something better in life, you deserve to enjoy your life!”

You give so much to so many…what about you?  Isn’t it time for you to create a brand new way of living your own life?

The opposite of overwhelm, is an awakening of a natural state of joy.

Always remember overwhelm is not in your house or career.  It’s not in the number of things you must get done everyday.

Overwhelm is in your spirit, and you are the only one who can make a difference for yourself.

Begin consciously creating more  joy in your life.  Wake up and open your eyes.

Joy & Blessings,
Carole  xx

The film, BULLY,  3+stars, from USA Today reviewer, Claudia Puig, was just released in theaters.

“A must-see film that’s also hard to watch.  Classrooms, cafeterias, and school buses can be places of anguish for millions of children, as powerfully demonstrated in BULLY, an insightful and moving documentary.  The film, which tells the story of 5 victims of bullying, should be required viewing for everyone ages 8-18…it wouldn’t hurt to make the documentary mandatory for parents, teachers, and school officials as well.”

According to the article: “The Motion Picture Association of America denied the filmmakers’ petition for a PG-13 rating because of concerns over profanity. “  The distributor is leaving it up to individual theaters to set admission policies.”

The MPAA had the option to contribute to the welfare of younger children by making Bully an unrated film.  Many of these unrated documentaries have done well at the box-office in the past.

Did you know all the popular profanity when you were in grammar school?  Perhaps you grew up in a family, as I did, which didn’t allow me to experience it, and it certainly wasn’t allowed on television or in theaters when I was a kid.  Is there a child alive today, over 6. who hasn’t heard and repeated the proliferance of profanity in our culture? 

Is it possible that witnessing a very real documentary about how profanity can be used to demean , control, and bully others would actually be educational for kids?

I trained with a profound teacher of attitudes who created a program to rehabilitate hardened felons in a federal prison.  He reversed the recidivism rate for most of those felons he taught.  It is a well accepted fact that the majority of hardened criminals have experienced abuse and bullying as a child.

To quote my teacher, the late Dan MacDougald, Jr:  “Words in a society are important.  A society’s words decline before the culture declines.  People commonly demean a victim with words before they inflict physical harm.  Riots are started by speeches, thieves usually belittle their victims.  Destructive or negative behavior rarely occurs unless there has first been destructive or negative speech.”  We see this demonstrated regularly in cases of domestic abuse in which verbal abuse escalates to physical abuse.

What can you do?  Make a conscious choice to get involved and take action:
*See the movie, “Bully,” with your children
*Request theaters show it to younger children
*Talk to your schools about making this film mandatory

You know it’s too late to educate and protect children at the age of 13.
Do it now!

Read the USA Today article:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/reviews/story/2012-03-30/bully-documentary/53874516/1

This music by Marconi Union was recently chosen by British researchers as the ‘world’s most relaxing tune.’ They report, “the 8 minute mix of guitar, piano, and low tones reportedly triggers a state that cuts anxiety 65% and lowers pulse rates 35%, making it more effective than any other song tested.”

The emotions of anger, fear, or shame often create uncomfortable feelings, and build anxiety.  Sometimes these uncomfortable feelings can lead to a more uncomfortable mood.  We instinctively realize that if we can avoid the feelings coming from the emotions, we may avoid the mood.  Too often we look for an experience or a behavior to block our uncomfortable feelings.

Why do you crave a dessert just after discovering you’ve gained weight?  Why do you feel the desire to go shopping when your credit card is over the limit?  Though these behaviors are the last ones you should choose, your brain is simply trying to lessen the stress you feel when you discover that something is not the way you want it.

Humans, and some animals, use behaviors to block uncomfortable feelings.  You may recognize one or more of these blocking behaviors, and you may also have some of your very own:

• Eating
• Sleeping
• Drinking
• Shopping
• Computing
• Texting
• Working
• Drugging
• Exercising
• Giving
• Busyness
• Cleaning

Blocking behaviors don’t just block uncomfortable feelings, some bring you pleasure and satisfaction when your brain’s neurotransmitters release dopamine.  The problem with some of these behaviors is that they can also block your joy.  When you combine some of these behaviors, you create a state of overwhelm.  Check a dictionary for overwhelm, and you’ll often find the antonym, the opposite of overwhelm, is joy.

Overwhelm occurs when we become overcome in feeling or in mind, and it affects most of us at some time in our lives.  When we reach a state of overwhelm, our first reaction is to create rigid agendas.

An agenda is a plan or list to be acted on, something we think we want.  Most of our agendas include plans to simplify, organize, eliminate, dictate, or control.  We think our agendas can stop our overwhelm, but our agendas make it worse.  When we put our agendas into place, we begin operating in our heads, rather than in our hearts.

Now we’re in a vicious circle.  When we allow ourselves to stay in our heads, we are keeping ourselves overwhelmed to once again avoid our feelings.  Some of these feelings we are avoiding could be lack of worth, sadness, loneliness, fear, or anger.  We keep ourselves so unfeeling and busy that we lose our joy.

To escape overwhelm and get our joy back, we need an action plan to become aware of the effects and causes of our own agendas.  When we learn how to maintain loving attitudes of mind towards others, our source, and ourselves, we can reconnect with our heart, our feelings, and our joy.

Are your agendas taking over your life?  Are your friends and family feeling that you are more and more rigid and inflexible?  You may be blocking your joy with overwhelm.  Your choice is to come back to operating in heart, and to reconnect with your own deepest values.

http://Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose is a focused 12 session audio course for women who want to get the joy back in life.

Joy & Blessings,  Carole  xx

Most of the world’s women are overwhelmed.  Overwhelm can destroy your joy, and overwhelm can waste your life.  How does your overwhelm affect you and affect those you love?

If you’re like most women in the world:

• You can’t catch up with all you have to do
• You don’t get any real relaxation
• You seldom feel you are doing enough
• You feel powerless to stop the increasing demands on you
• You are frustrated, sad, and angry with your life’s direction

As a woman you are set up to be overwhelmed because of the unique factors you deal with: Your commitment to your family, your work inside and outside the home, your caring for others, the world’s message of what you should be, and your lack of time and energy.

Check the list below to see which factors describe you.  Many of your symptoms may be a result of overwhelm.  Some symptoms attributed to other factors may be increased by overwhelm.  If you experience 3 or more symptoms, you could greatly benefit from lowering your stress:

• EXHAUSTION
• ANGER
• LOSS OF HUMOR
• SLEEPING PROBLEMS
• FRUSTRATION
• CRANKINESS
• RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
• WEIGHT PROBLEMS
• RESENTMENTS
• LOSS OF SEXUAL INTEREST
• DISCOURAGEMENT
• LACK OF FOCUS
• HEALTH ISSUES
• SADNESS
• HOPELESSNESS

Overwhelm does not go away on its own, and it can get worse.  So how can you lose the overwhelm, and get your life back?  How can you control your stress and overwhelm and bring joy back into your life?  Any real change begins with an understanding of what is causing overwhelm and a course of action.

Overwhelm can occur in life when 3 feelings are present:

1. Not being able to feel a sense of accomplishment no matter how hard you work
2. Feeling helpless to stop the factors that are causing overwhelm
3. Feeling hopeless and feeling despair knowing that you do not see relief in your future

If you are overwhelmed now, you may react by creating more and more agendas and plans to control it.  You may be trying to organize, eliminate, communicate, and dictate to keep it away.  You may have become a person you don’t want to be.  You may have lost your ability to share and connect with your family and friends.  Your head is running your heart.  You may be filling yourself up with busyness to maintain a sense of worth.

What’s the cure for overwhelm and what heals a life which is overloaded, overtired, overstressed, and overcome?  A realization that your overwhelm is not in your career or home, but in your own spirit, that part of you which needs to feel purpose, fulfillment, and joy.  To do that you must connect to your deepest values and your true loving self.  You can move from overwhelm to joy when you surrender your agendas and let your heart rule.

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xx

Her elderly mom, who lives alone in another city, was having some challenges.  My friend had been planning to visit her in a few weeks, but was feeling she should leave earlier than originally planned.  She had received a report from a brother who lived nearby her mom.

My friend needed to talk about the situation.  She was working through her options, and her deepest feelings about what she should do.  We spent several minutes going over the situation, and she became clearer.  Just talking about the situation to someone who cared helped her get more clarity about her real feelings.

We all have a lot to do, often causing us to multitask, and to give half attention and effort to many of the routine things we do everyday.  We move through things on our lists rapidly, often looking ahead to where we need to focus next.  We may not remember something significant at the end of a day, if we haven’t completely connected to it.  This is the very definition of overwhelm, the very absence of peace or understanding.

In Surrender Your Agenda: Finding Your Life Purpose, a course I developed for stressed and overwhelmed women, one of the most important choices which I encourage everyone to make is that of being fully present wherever you are, and in whatever you are doing throughout the day.

When we are fully present we make a real connection to others and to ourselves.  Being fully present defeats much of the overwhelm and stress of our lives, because it allows us to let our minds rest from everything else while we are engaged in what we are doing.  Our attitude of mind actually changes when we focus in on what is important for us to prioritize in the moment.  When we are present with a situation, a task, or a person our perception is focused on our purpose right here, right now.

We all spend lots of time and energy on the gifts we give to others during the holidays, or for birthdays, or other special occasions.  Becoming fully present with the living beings in your life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them.  Who in your life would receive great benefit from a deep and conscious connection to you?  Several people may come to mind immediately.  I would suggest to you  everyone in your life would receive benefits from your being fully present in your interaction with them, no matter how short that interaction may be.

We now know multitasking is seldom effective.  The brain cannot truly focus on several tasks simultaneously, and resorts to focusing in sequentially short attentions to each task involved.   The greatest argument against multitasking is it keeps us from fully experiencing  the living beings who give meaning and purpose to our life.

Take the time to be connected to the living beings in your life.  Bring yourself back to the moment whenever you notice you are slipping into another time or place.  Give the gift of your presence to others.  Take the time to acknowledge the people who cross your path.  They are your teachers, as you are theirs.

One of the greatest joys in life is real connection to others.  It is a gift.  You can change your habit of multi-tasking by choosing to be fully present in each moment.  You change your habits by creating new intention and purpose.

Take the time today to express real feelings to someone, to understand someone, to be quiet with someone, to support someone, to hold a hand, to laugh together, to share the moment.  Live your life fully and consciously.  Give your gift of presence to others and to yourself.  Give yourself.

Joy & Blessings, Carole  xx